Honoring What The Wheel Said…..
Over 2 years ago I had a mini freak out session during my Yoga Teacher Training in Bali when my teacher asked me to practice urdhva dhanurasana (wheel pose) in front of the entire class. This was a pose that always brought up feelings of fear, tension, anxiety and loss of control- which is hard for me to stay “present” in. I didn’t care how I looked, where my hands were or how “high” I lifted myself- I wanted out. I didn’t want to experience it, practice modifications, or sit with what I was feeling because all I felt was blinding fear. And at the time I didn’t want to feel fear.
However, it was a teaching course and I couldn’t just say no. Now instead of sharing with the teacher and class that I was scared and asking for help I jumped right into it and instantly hurt my back. At the time my lower back was extremely, extremely tight with very little range of motion. I was the student who needed to honor modifications, props and take my time getting into the pose, exploring every sensation. But a part of me wanted to prove if I couldn’t blow into it than the act of allowing the movement to unfold than it wasn’t for me because it wasn’t “automatic” and fast.
I did hurt my back but what really took a beating was my pride and how I burst out crying in front of the class because of all the emotions I was feeling. My teacher kept me after the class and explained how I needed to honor where I was and that it was a journey. It wasn’t about what I looked like or what people saw but what I felt. He advised me to take the slow path and allow my back, heart and mind to open at its own pace but not to avoid the pose. So, I practiced. For 2 years- with modifications, tons or props, very slow movements, focusing on range movements and a kinder perspective with myself.
So, this might not look like the highest wheel you’ve seen, or the “sexiest” pose for instagram but it is trust, patience and gratitude for my body. Remember to honor yourself and where you are.